


You're in safe hands (though I have none)

by theaeblackthorn



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Fluff, Geek Love, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theaeblackthorn/pseuds/theaeblackthorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Stiles sorted Derek Hale into a Hogwarts house, and one time Derek sorted him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're in safe hands (though I have none)

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, thanks to Susan and lizdarcy on tumblr for beta-ing this for me! Very much appreciated, thank you! And thanks to Peyton for the title!
> 
> Secondly, sorting is a bit of a touchy subject amongst people. I've been part of a sorting community for, uh, a few years and sorting over there gets pretty serious. When I wrote my Sterek Hogwarts AU there was a ridiculously long email trail as we (me and my hih friends) all debated what houses the TW characters should be in. Some of the words the boys say are swiped from them. TY ladies.
> 
> Our decisions weren't actually quite the same as ended up in the fic because I decided to play a different side to one of the characters up. Then I thought, 'I bet Stiles sorts his friends' and it became a fun way to put down some points from our discussion into a fic. People can, and will, always disagree with sortings, because until you put that fictional hat on your past-self, you'll never know what it would say. Also, bear in mind this is Derek and Stiles sorting people, so it's tinged by their opinions as well, and how they perceive people. So take this with a pinch of salt.

**Slytherin**

The first time Stiles meets Derek Hale, Derek is threatening him. The only thing Stiles knows about him is that his family was killed in a fire, and he's probably the murderer. Derek is all dark, mysterious (threatening) stranger, in a creaking leather jacket (that looks suspiciously too big for him, which doesn't change how threatening he looks, even if it might affect how hot he looks).

Then his life gets turned upside down and suddenly there are _werewolves_ , and Scott's one and Derek too. Stiles spends hours upon hours researching, trawling the web, and thumbing through books. He needs to know _everything_ about werewolves because _oh my god werewolves are real_. There are werewolves! (Did Stiles mention the werewolves?) His best friend, Scott, is a _werewolf_!!

He finds himself comparing what he knows about werewolves to what he's seen on TV, Scott's more Buffy the Vampire Slayer than Twilight, with a healthy dose of Vampire Diaries thrown in there. Maybe there some Harry Potter and _whoa_ , suddenly it hits him, Stiles is living in Harry-freaking-Potter.

Okay, not Harry Potter. There aren't wizarding running about (at least he doesn't think so... oh my god are there wizards?!), but his life is fast becoming a teen supernatural drama. But still. _Harry Potter_ , man. His brain shoots off in a million different directions, and he can't help but thinking it's ironic that Scott's a werewolf considering he's such a Gryffindor. Maybe that's a thing, all werewolves _are_ Gryffindors, maybe that's the trick. Or maybe not, because Derek Hale is not a Gryffindor.

Derek in his leather coat, lurking in dark corners and threatening people. Scheming and planning and being the bad guy of the operation, he's _so_ the Slytherin to Scott's Gryffindor.

 

**Ravenclaw**

So shit, maybe Stiles shouldn't have been such a an amateur sorter. Because, what the hell, man!?! He sorted Derek based on every stereotype Derek tries to play up. The lurking, the leather coat, the manly stubble (not that Stiles has noticed his stubble, because he hasn't, except he has, and it's really nice stubble. Derek, manscape much?)

He sorted Derek based on him being the villain of their piece; which: one he's not, and two Slytherins aren't always the villains. He's pretty sure that was part of the point of the story in the first place, don't judge people, everyone might not be what they seem. Stiles is blaming this on the stress of finding out the books might not be quite as fictional as he thought.

Besides, he's seen Derek's plans and Derek's idea of 'making friends'. 'Cunning' is not a word that Stiles would ever use to describe him. Derek Hale is not a Slytherin, he's not driven, he's not focused and Stiles isn't sure Derek has any goals that extend past, 'don't die'. And sometimes, when Derek throws himself between Stiles and the dangerous monsters, he's not entirely sure 'don't die' is one of Derek's life goals.

Derek is a clusterfuck, not that Stiles is really in a place to judge because he's not the picture of organised sanity. Between the two of them and Scott they barely manage to keep everyone that should be alive, alive. But they do it. Derek won't give up on wanting Scott to join his pack, and the way he goes about it is nowhere near subtle.

So yeah, Derek's not a Slytherin. Stiles needs to know what he is. Lydia's shown Stiles more than anyone that life's full of labels and people that don't quite fit them. She's the smart girl and the popular girl, the nerd and the prom queen, two labels that shouldn't overlap. Why do people have to pick labels to describe themselves? So no, labels don't always fit people, but he likes thinking about these things. He likes looking back on what he knows about a person, their actions, and trying to figure out the motivations behind them.

So yeah, he knows labels are just some people’s attempt at putting the world together in a way they can understand and deal with. To look at a person, match them against a perceived set of traits and know how to talk to them, how to handle them. But hey, it's just Stiles trying to sort people in the safety of his own mind, and he likes thinking about it, okay? It can be interesting. It is interesting, looking back on what he's seen of Derek Hale, and trying to figure out what makes him work.

After Derek becomes the Alpha and the dust settles, Stiles gets to know Derek, just a little bit. He saves up all the pieces of his personality that shine through the gruff, broken man that he is. It only reinforces his opinion that Derek isn't a Slytherin. Stiles realises he's not out for power, he's not trying to get ahead, and Derek really, really isn't cunning. Derek's quiet, and he's kinda solitary, and Stiles toys with the idea that he might be a Ravenclaw.

It lasts about as long as it takes Stiles to see him try to research.

Derek Hale is not a Ravenclaw.

 

**Gryffindor**

Kanimas. Seriously, _what the hell_?! Stiles doesn't get much time to do anything before people are dying, no, that's not-- people are being _murdered_. Right in front of him. That shit is _not okay_.

It's like Beacon Hills was a supernatural time bomb, just waiting to explode and this was it. The thing that worries Stiles, though, is the sinking suspicion that it's not so much an explosion, as a trail of dominoes toppling quick and fast, splitting out into branches until the world's toppled.

He finds himself stuck in the school pool with Derek, and there's not much to do other than try not to panic or drown and _think_. Isn't it ridiculous that all Stiles can think about is which Hogwarts House Derek would be in? That's ridiculous, right? It's probably his brain's way of trying to deal with all of this. That or he's just wired wrong.

He keeps thinking back to how Derek had pushed him when the kanima first appeared at the poolside, had _tried to protect him_. The smart thing would been for them all to run, that wasn't what Derek did.

Stiles thinks how stubborn Derek is, how eager Derek is to throw himself into danger, how Derek's the kid with the tragic past. Stiles wonders what Derek was like before the fire, he wonders if he was just as snarky and sullen, in Stiles's mind he can see him as the Sirius Black, all flying motorcycle and-- No, maybe not Sirius Black. He's good looking enough but that's about it.

Remus Lupin, maybe, they _are_ both werewolves, Stiles can see Derek as eager for friends as Remus had been when he came to Hogwarts. Kinda. It's a cute picture of young Derek he's got in his head. But no, if any Remus it would be the Remus just after the war. Lost and broken. Although Stiles can't ever imagine clever Remus Lupin being as absolutely inept in his planning as Derek I-bite-teenagers-with-self-esteem-issues-to-make-friends Hale. (Although Stiles can see Remus biting people to make friends in a world where the bite was a gift.)

Maybe Derek is Harry Potter. Lost all his family at a young age and... Shit. No. Stiles knows exactly who Derek is. Derek is Ron Weasley if he'd lost his entire family. Imagine Ron, always smiling and happy, with the biggest, most loving family ever and suddenly... they're all gone. Ron left with just Ginny, and then she's gone too. Fuck, that... hurts. He wants to give Derek a hug, except he kinda is, given how he's holding him up and all. He might tighten his arms around him, just a little.

As Stiles definitely isn't hugging Derek, he realises that he's only compared Derek to Gryffindors. And oh, maybe. He thinks how Derek has his own rules and sticks to them, he thinks how he tries to protect people, tries to do the right thing. Stiles wonders how fucking terrified Derek must be of everything that's happening, and how he's not letting that stop him.

Stiles can totally see Derek as a Gryffindor.

 

 

**Hufflepuff**

Stiles sees the way Derek is with his pack. He sees his panic when the police have Isaac. He sees the horror stricken look on his face when Erica's in pain. He sees the worry outside the rave when Scott's dying. He sees how fucking _broken_ Derek looks, after he had to kill Jackson.

He sees it all, but it doesn't sink in, he's too busy having his heart broken into a thousand pieces by Lydia Martin. It's like a fucking fairy tale and he's the bumbling knight trailing after the beautiful princess as she finds her True Love. Because that right there, between Jackson and Lydia, that's the kinda shit you only see in stories. Stiles is slowly becoming convinced that his life is not Real Life, but some story on someone's page, a blinking cursor waiting to write out his fate.

He can joke all he wants about a fifteen year plan with Scott, but he knows it's over. He's got to let her go. She's found her prince charming and she's rescued him. Her love has brought him back from the brink of hell.

Good for them.

Stiles feels like complete and utter shit. So he tries to distract himself anyway he can, and if that's by sorting Derek Hale then that's what he's going to do, fuck you very much. Sorting is serious business.

He'd been pretty set on Derek being a Gryffindor until he'd seen Derek with Isaac, until he'd seen him kill Jackson. It's not that Stiles thinks Derek _isn't_ a Gryffindor, so much that he doesn't think that's the whole story. Derek's definitely got some Gryffindor traits, just look at the mullish way he and Scott butt heads so much because they've both got this "This is the right way, we're doing it like this" mentality. But Derek's not nearly as much of a crusader as Scott is, not by half. And there's nothing idealistic about Derek's bleak world-view.

When Stiles first thinks of Derek as a Hufflepuff the idea kinda shocks him, the guy brooding in the leather coat isn't the immediate choice for a Hufflepuff, but... Suddenly looking at Derek's actions Stiles can see Hufflepuff stamped all over them.

There's nothing like turning a bunch of loner teenagers that says 'taking the rest in' and holy shit he's Helga Hufflepuff. Okay maybe not, but _still_. Derek's never lied to them. Derek's always (ridiculously) been there when Stiles needs his ass saving. More than Scott lately. Derek's not the smartest person Stiles has ever met, but that doesn't stop him. He tries over and over again, he never stops trying. Holy shit, Derek Hale is a Hufflepuff.

There aren't any Hufflepuffs quite like Derek in the books, but Stiles thinks that's because there aren't any Hufflepuffs that got as much shit dumped on them as Derek has. It's kind of a revelation and Stiles has no idea what to do with his new found knowledge. He wants to tell Scott, because he thinks Scott might be the only person that will even understand what he's talking about. But then Stiles would have to admit how much time he's spent thinking about Derek Hale and... no. That'd just be uncomfortable.

So Stiles doesn't share it, he doesn't tell anyone, except... when he accidentally maybe tells Derek.

*

 

**Stiles**

Derek's creeping in his room again, lurking on his bed while he forces Stiles to research yetis. Seriously, how is this his life? No, that wasn't rhetorical, _how is this his life?_

'Forces' might be a bit too strong of a word, Derek had said, 'we've got a yeti problem' and before Derek could even ask Stiles to do anything he had google open.

Yetis.

Anyway. It looks like the yetis have built their den right on the edge of Hale land before Derek had returned to Beacon Hills. At least, that's what Derek said.

"I don't get what the problem is," Stiles says, spinning on his desk chair.

"There are yetis. Living in my woods." Derek looks so put out, it's kinda hilarious.

He tries not to snicker; he fails. "Dude, look, this page just says we can burn them out. Problem solved."

Derek makes a small, pained noise and shit, okay, maybe not the best choice of option there. Burning a family out of their home.

"Sorry, I didn't--. Look, we can just chuck them out, there's like," Stiles holds up the laptop with the list of yeti removal methods he's found. "There's like a million ways to get rid of yetis from your property. Who knew this happens often enough for someone to have made a _list_."

Derek scowls. "They've spent all summer building that den, I can't just kick them out as winter's setting in. It wouldn't be fair."

Stiles rolls his eyes and the words slip out before he can stop them. "You're such a Hufflepuff."

"No I'm not." Derek frowns.

Stiles nearly falls off his chair. "Dude, you do _not_ know what Harry Potter is."

"Stiles, I was a kid when those books came out. Of course I know what Harry Potter is."

Stiles stares at him. "You were raised by wolves."

It's Derek's turn to roll his eyes. "Wolves that could read and owned TVs, yeah. But that's besides the point, I am not a Hufflepuff."

Stiles bites his lip. He could give in and just say, 'whatever dude'. Or... he's going to look like such a creeper if he explains _why_ Derek is a Hufflepuff. But Derek is still way more of a creeper than he is. Any day. Stiles's mouth decides for him, before he realises it he's explaining his whole thought process, breaking down Derek's actions since they'd met. Stiles has thought about this a lot, it's nice to finally tell someone else.

When he's finished Derek just sits there in stunned silence.

Stiles cringes. This is going to be bad. "Uh, Derek, dude? Don't kill me, I mean I--"

"I'm a Hufflepuff." Derek says, sounding shocked.

He nods. "That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"How did I not see this?" Derek asks, in stunned disbelief.

He shrugs. "Not everyone sorts their friends and family. That takes a special level of crazy."

Derek shifts uncomfortably for a moment before saying, "I do."

...Did Derek Hale just admit that he sorts people into Hogwarts Houses? "Bullshit," he says, narrowing his eyes. Hot werewolves can't be geeks too. That's not how the universe works. That wouldn't be fair. That would make Derek irresistible. No, really. "Prove it."

"Scott's a Gryffindor." Derek says, voice steady, like he's daring Stiles to argue with him.

Stiles rolls his eyes. "That one's obvious. Even my dad could tell Scott's a Gryffindor and he's only seen the movies. Try again."

Derek thinks for a moment and Stiles can almost hear the wheels spinning. Derek's sitting up on the edge of his bed now, brow drawn tight in thought.

"Nearly everyone we both know is an obvious sort. Jackon's a Slytherin, Erica's a Gryffindor--"

Stiles nods, Derek has a point, it's not exactly hard to see what makes their friends tick. But... "So sort me." He says it like a challenge. He knows he isn't the easiest person to sort, he could be--

Derek snorts, interrupting him. "I told you, everyone we both know is an obvious sort. You're a Ravenclaw."

Stiles makes a face, it's not the worse sort but there's so much more to him than that, he's--

"When most people think of Ravenclaws they think of the quiet, studious student in the corner. Yeah?" Derek starts, and it's a good start. Stiles nods his agreement.

"Think of Luna Lovegood, think of Hermione. Hermione was the clever, bright hard-worker. But she was a Gryffindor. Then think of Luna, she was curious, she was clever, just in a completely different way. Being a good student doesn’t mean being a Ravenclaw. Having behavioural and focus issues doesn’t mean _not_ being a Ravenclaw." Derek pauses. Stiles doesn't want to think how Derek knows about his school issues, the _giant creeper_.

"I could be a Slytherin. I'd be an _excellent_ Slytherin." Stiles says, because hell, Derek might have thought this through as much as Stiles has. So much for Stiles being an 'obvious' sort.

"You try to be devious and cunning, you're pretty good at it sometimes, but you're far too reckless to be a Slytherin. You went looking for a body in the woods because you thought it would be _fun_."

Stiles winces. He hates when people bring that up, that he's the reason for this fucked up situation in the first place. He dragged them into it. Derek's not done though, not yet.

"Slytherin's care about making impressions, how people see them. You... really don't."

"Hey, that hurts!" He cares! Well, he cares that they seem him for who he is. Stiles doesn't want to pretend to be something he's not.

"It's true." Derek smiles at him, and it's kinda disconcerting. "How many of your dad's police codes and signals do you know? Why did you do it? Was there a reason behind it? Did you think, 'hey, maybe one day my best friend will be a werewolf and I'll need to know how to decode police radio traffic.’ I'll bet you learned them because you were curious."

Yeah, Derek's not wrong on that one. "Gryffindor's can be inquisitive too. They can be smart." Stiles counters, wanting to see where Derek's going with this. He's past amazed and now he's just getting a thrill from the amount of _time_ Derek must have spent thinking about him. Derek thinks about him. Derek _thinks_ about _him_.

"You're not idealistic enough to be a Gryffindor. You know there aren't just good people and bad people, the good guy doesn't always get the girl and ride off into the sunset. You don't dislike manipulators, liars. You are one. Often."

"Hey, that hurts, too."

Derek smiles, all teeth and it's kinda unsettling but dorky, how is that even possible? Derek speaks, " _Lie_. You like it, you're treating 'manipulator' as a compliment. I take it back, a little, maybe you're a Slytherclaw." Derek falls silent.

Stiles feels his lips twist into wicked smile. "Huh, guess I'm a Ravenclaw." He says, coyly, echoing Derek's earlier words. He knows he probably shouldn't bring it up, but he feels like him and Derek are like, bonding, getting along, _friends_ , and when had that happened? "You've thought about it a lot. Thought about _me_ a lot!"

Derek freezes.

Stiles might be imagining it but he thinks Derek's cheeks are a little redder, like he's... "You're blushing!"

Derek get up off the bed and Stiles jumps up right into Derek's space to grab his arm, stopping him leaving. Not that he could physically stop Derek if he really wanted to go, Stiles is no match for werewolf-strength. It doesn't matter though, because Derek stills as soon as Stiles touches him, but he's looking at the floor, not meeting Stiles's eyes. The easy atmosphere they'd settled into has vanished and Stiles wants it back. It's not fair, he was having _fun_. He was... it was kinda cool.

Stiles tries to think quickly for something to say that fix this, bring things back to how they were.

"I've thought about sorting you a lot, too, if you hadn't noticed," he says, feeling his own cheeks heat up.

Oh god, why did he say that? That was a giant creeperish thing to say. What was he doing? Why was Derek still not looking at him, why was Derek quiet? Oh god, he shouldn't have said that, that was a stupid idea what was he thinking?! Stiles drops Derek's arm and moves away, out of his personal space.

Derek still doesn't say anything and fuck, stupid, stupid, _stupid_ , Stiles. This is why you don't get nice things. He's so distracted berating himself that he doesn't notice Derek's looking up now, straight at him.

There's a hint of a smile playing around the corner of Derek's mouth as he quietly says, "Yeah, I've thought about you alot."

His eyes fly up to Derek's before he smiles slowly and feels the playful tone from earlier return. He drops back down onto his bed this time, happy that Derek isn't going to vanish out the window. "You are _such_ a closet geek."

Derek sits back down on the bed, not next to Stiles, but close enough that Stiles can feel the mattress dip. Feel it pulling him towards Derek.

"There's no closets around here," Derek says, and what the hell kind of answer is that?

"Dude. I didn't know you were a geek. You totally hid that!"

Derek snorts, he sounds fond and amused rather than irritated and annoyed. "You didn't ask. You should ask about things more often."

Stiles feels like there's something else going on under this conversation. Something else he should be asking about... ? What's he missing? What other closets could Derek be-- Oh. Derek isn't trying to say he's gay, right? Or anything like that? Why would he say that to Stiles? Unless...

Stiles has never been the best planner, or the most patient of people. Whatever subtext is going on here can be thoughts and worries for another day. He's not going to freak out about this, whatever it is. He's going to enjoy sorting his friends with Derek, because apparently this is a thing he can do now.

"How big a Gryffindor is Scott, I mean, like, seriously?"

Derek nods knowingly. "Pretty big," he agrees.

"Dude, he's the biggest Gryffindor ever to Gryffindor in the history of Gryffindors." Stiles says. "I mean this one time..." And Stiles is off sorting his friends again, except now he's got someone to do it with. And maybe there's other things he can do with Derek now, too. Maybe. In a bit. After the sorting.

Because everyone knows the sorting comes at the beginning of the story.

**Author's Note:**

> [Or yet wise old Ravenclaw...](http://saspiesas.tumblr.com/)


End file.
